Have you ever read the book by Dr. Seuss entitled One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish? My title makes me think of that book! Haha. But this blog entry is not about rhyming.
It is, however, about friends.
I am experiencing for the first time, as an adult at least, being left behind by friends. This is a very common event in the life of missionaries and their children, so I was not oblivious to this happening. I don’t think there is a way to prepare for it. I have been through this many times as a child but I think it is much different as an adult. As a child I gave my whole self to a friend without caution. I didn’t believe that goodbye was forever and was often hurt by my lack of goodbyes. We adults seem to put up more walls, some that prevent us from building deep relationships, some that help us grow slowly in relationships, others that prevent us from have relationships at all. In my time on the mission field (1 year as an adult) I have witnesses all three walls. I am sure I have even put up one of each. Being aware of the walls is probably the only way we can “prepare” for someone leaving. I find that my mentality is, “once a friend always a friend”. There have been friendships that have just kind of dwindled due to growing up, changing of interest, or it was just not a deep friendship to begin with.
I am experiencing for the first time, as an adult at least, being left behind by friends. This is a very common event in the life of missionaries and their children, so I was not oblivious to this happening. I don’t think there is a way to prepare for it. I have been through this many times as a child but I think it is much different as an adult. As a child I gave my whole self to a friend without caution. I didn’t believe that goodbye was forever and was often hurt by my lack of goodbyes. We adults seem to put up more walls, some that prevent us from building deep relationships, some that help us grow slowly in relationships, others that prevent us from have relationships at all. In my time on the mission field (1 year as an adult) I have witnesses all three walls. I am sure I have even put up one of each. Being aware of the walls is probably the only way we can “prepare” for someone leaving. I find that my mentality is, “once a friend always a friend”. There have been friendships that have just kind of dwindled due to growing up, changing of interest, or it was just not a deep friendship to begin with.
I don’t think that’s bad. I think it’s life.
We all change. We all move on.
We should allow others to change and move on as well.
Before coming on the mission field I attended a cultural training program. One of the sessions was about struggles that Missionary Kids face. Since this cultural training program was designed specifically for teachers, we approached in with that in mind. At one point I noticed my heart begin to bound, I became self conscious of who I was and even doubted why I was putting myself through this. The instructor was defining a missionary kid…he was defining ME! I looked around to catch the eyes of the other two adult missionary kids and they later told me they were feeling the same way. When we got together we all broke down in tears! Our question to each other was, “What are we doing to ourselves by CHOOSING this again? We didn’t have a choice before!” We all knew this is where God wanted us, but it didn’t mean it would be any easier. We took comfort in knowing that we were not alone.
In the last year I have made many good friends. Three of them have recently left. One left to go finish (not returning to PNG), another went home to care for an ailing family member, and the third (who will return in a few months) went to teach at our Pacific Orientation Course (that I attended last January). I will and do miss these three ladies very much, but I have decided to continue to make new friends. There are few new ladies here that I would like to get to know a little better and spend some time with.
This little tune came to mind when I was thinking about writing this blog. Do you know it?
Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the others gold
Not sure who wrote that…but I like it! I am sure my mentality will change after 3 or 5 years on the mission field, but here I sit writing with 1 year down. I do not desire to loose my “old” friendships but know I will go NUTS if I don’t make new friends.
All I can ask is for God to make me strong, to keep me hospitable, loving and friendly.
In the last year I have made many good friends. Three of them have recently left. One left to go finish (not returning to PNG), another went home to care for an ailing family member, and the third (who will return in a few months) went to teach at our Pacific Orientation Course (that I attended last January). I will and do miss these three ladies very much, but I have decided to continue to make new friends. There are few new ladies here that I would like to get to know a little better and spend some time with.
This little tune came to mind when I was thinking about writing this blog. Do you know it?
Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
And the others gold
Not sure who wrote that…but I like it! I am sure my mentality will change after 3 or 5 years on the mission field, but here I sit writing with 1 year down. I do not desire to loose my “old” friendships but know I will go NUTS if I don’t make new friends.
All I can ask is for God to make me strong, to keep me hospitable, loving and friendly.
The new people will also need friends.
May the new be welcomed and the old be cherished!
Amanda, reading your blog reminded me of Aunt Linda - everyone thought they were her best friend - I don't know how many best friends she had, nor how many 'nieces' and 'nephews! And of course, she kept losing friends, but she always made more. You can't go wrong to follow in her footsteps - sounds like you're already on the way. Love you.
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