Single in a missions community

(Disclaimer- this message is from my perspective and applies to myself and my friends. This may not apply to ALL single missionaries. I love this community and I know that for many people their intentions are genuine and loving and they want us to have what they have...a happy marriage and wonderful children.)

Living in a small missionary community can make things interesting for a single woman. For single men they are invited over to dinner often and families tend to want to find a wife for them, since we all know men don’t last on the mission field if they are single (not sure why everyone things that). For a single woman there are many ideas or shall I call them "misconceptions" on how they should be treated. Much like the states, singles are often seen as this person who is able to work a double load, seeing as they do not have children and a husband to care for. Where some ladies may be proud of that fact, it wears, some of us, out. We find ourselves having to fight for breaks and times to wash dishes, hang up laundry, made meals from scratch and clean our house. Again, I am writing all of this from my perspective; this is how I perceive things, and not necessarily how things actually are. I remember working in the states and deciding I was going home every day at 4:00. Some of the married ladies with children would still be there and would not understand why I would need to leave. I explained that, no I do not have children or a husband to attend to but I do have myself, and I need to look after my health and sanity. Each of us has to care for our own needs, make sure we are rested, fed, and have personal time alone. Plus, if we are all hired to do the same job we should be expected to do the same amount of time. Anyways…off my soap box.

Another misconception of how singles should be treated is that they are blessed with independence and time for quiet. I totally understand where families are coming from with this. Yes, we do have a lot of time alone, lots of quite that I am sure families are lacking and desire, but we often get bored and lonely (and this is why we get lots of TV shows J). Independence is wonderful at times but we often desire someone to share things with, to create memories with us. It intrigues me how each of us, no matter what stages of life, desire to be in a different stage. I have met married women who miss the independence and self sufficiently of single life, mothers who miss the quiet and time to think about their own needs, and singles who dream about having a husband to share life with and children to tuck into bed and call them mommy. I am continually reminded of what “living in community” really means. Instead of envying the life of others let’s make each others life more bearable. Singles, grab a mother’s kids and take them for the afternoon. Set up a date night for the parents so they can have a “get away” from their every day life. Don't be afraid to say no to things when you are tired or worn out. Mothers, remember back to when you were single and the struggles you had as a single. Life as a single was not always glamorous was it. Married, we are still here and we can still be your friend. Just because you are married does not mean you have to be lonely or find “new friends”. We realize you have to find other married friends as well to talk to and relate to.

The final misconception I think missionaries have about single women missionaries is, if they are on the mission field, there must be something wrong with them. Oh yes, I know this idea exists because I had it. Granted, I was 16 years old and believed that everyone could be married if they wanted to. Let me just squash this idea, NOT every single woman on the mission field is messed up, weird, broken, and swearing off men. To be honest I find that many of my friends who are here have been called by God, have obeyed His calling, and desire that if He wants them to be married then He will make the encounter happen. This, however, does not mean that we all want to be single the rest of our lives. I, for one, feel that God has created me to be a wife and a mother some day. As a Christian woman I just don’t feel right being a pursuer in a relationship with man. I have done this before and have been rejected, hurt, laughed at, or called a flirt. Here’s the thing men, if you don’t make the first step then women will. MAN UP! You have a very important job to do and since you are dropping the ball, women are taking over. This said, I won’t do it. If God wants me to have a man some day then he will bring the man to me. That man will pursue me and God will make it clear. Friends and family have told me about specific men out there that would be “perfect for me”. That’s great, but God has clearly called me to work in Papua New Guinea, to teach, and to support Bible Translation with Wycliffe. He has got to be just as clear if there is a guy that is going to fit into my life some day.

My last thought to my mission community, please, allow the single women the ability to talk to, build relationships with, and enjoy any single men that might come to this country. I know, when a guy that not the age of our fathers arrives it is very exciting, but please do not ask us questions about him, push us, or give us ideas that will just get our minds wandering where they shouldn’t be. If you would like to help, please pray for us, talk to the guys (put in a good word for the ladies), and continue to encourage us to follow God’s will for our lives.

Living in community is not easy but, despite what it might sound like, I love it. I have never lived somewhere before where people truly do care about the needs and feelings of others. This community is there for you when you are sick, sad, downcast, discourage, joyful and just living. We feed each other, take care of each other, and even entertain each other. Someone once asked me if I felt lonely here and I told them that I think I actually feel lonelier in America than I do here. In America people are doing so many things and going so many places that they often forget to look at the needs of others. I am saying this from personal experience. I found myself quite lonely at times thinking to myself, “If something happened to me tonight, how long would it take for someone to find me.” I know that might sound morbid, but I also know I’m not the first single to think it. Living in this small community, with neighbors looking in on me all day long, I know that I am cared for. All that to say, no community is perfect, we all have things to learn about each other, but I am proud to be part of this community. Granted we still have lots to learn about each other as we live life together.

Lunch for my bunch

As a teacher you see many kinds of lunch. Over the years I have seen children eat strange things like marshmallows and balogne if I tried them they may be good...maybe. Here is a list of things my students have eaten over the past 10 months of school.
- butter and sprinkle sandwich
- uncookied 2 minute noodles with the flavor packet poured on top
- butter and passion fruit sandwich
- 4 donuts (which last for snack and lunch time)
- just crackers, 3 or 4 packets of crackers to cover both meals
- fried bananas
- the same lunch every day

I like variety and I am certainly not afriad of trying new things. While in the village I ate a variety of wild game, veggies I don't even know the name of, and sago (a slimy, starchy food sort of like jelly but with no flavor).

Pre-Clean Clean

Pre-clean clean

I like to pre-clean before my haus meri (maid) cleans. I know for a fact…I am not the only one who does. You know what I’m talking about right? I have a haus meri who comes once a week to wash dishes, hang up clothes, clean the bathroom and do whatever else we need done around the house. In return we pay her, build a relationship with her, practice our Tok Pisin, and don’t have to do the “nasty” stuff. But before she comes I always find myself wiping down the counter, stacking and rinsing the dishes, straightening the living room, etc.

It’s not all madness, really! My mindset is, I put away the things that are meaningful to me so they are out of her way. Okay, maybe it is a little crazy, but it makes sense to me. There are days where I have rinsed and stacked the dishes that I think to myself, “Well you might as well just wash it.”

Living in a place where everything is work, I do not feel bad about hiring someone to clean once a week, even though I could probably do it myself. Instead I will spend my time bleaching vegetables, deboning chicken, debugging lettuce, making homemade yogurt, sour cream, bread, tortillas, and ice cream. And in my spare time I will hang up clothes and step on big fat cockroaches!

The pre-clean is necessary for a good clean!

Drawing the World

A few days ago I looked at my classroom and decided, it was time to change the bulletin board. Unlike many teachers, I actually do not despise changing them. I have the opposite problem, I like it too much! My creativity just runs ramped and I tend to waste time doing it "just right".

Since our next unit is on where we live in the world, I decided to draw the earth and have little people holding hands in the middle of the earth. The words around the earth would say "Go into all the world". Great idea...however, drawing the earth is certainly not an easy task. I thought it through for a few days and when I finally found a circle I could us to trace, I got busy.

After tracing and cutting out my beautiful blue circle, I was faced with the task of forming the land. But...which view of the world would I do? Would I put North America in the middle? Would I put Australia and PNG in the middle?

All my life I have grown up seeing world maps in books, on walls, and in stores that feature North America as the "center of the world". But when I came to this side of the world, Australia and PNG were in the middle. This made me ponder. Why do we put North America in the middle?

Is it because we believe North America is superior to other continents? Do we do this because the majority of our students are from North and South America? Is this actually creating a nation of "North American" focused individuals? Or is that due to lessening of emphasis on geography, history, and world studies in our school systems today?

Despite all these thoughts I decided to put Australia, PNG, and Korea in the middle, seeing as all but two of my students are from this side of the world. Unlike my PNG kiddos, my America ones will have little problems knowing where they are from and the countries that lay in proximity.

Praise the Lord

In church this week we sang a song called "Let Everything That" by Matt Redman. As we sang each line:

Let everything that
Let everything that
Let everything that has breath praise the Lord

I began to think, if everyone doesn't know the Lord than how can they praise Him. That's the reason we are here, doing this job, so that all people will be able to praise God like they were created to.

May the rocks not have to cry out! May the Lord be praised by every nation on the earth!

Revelation 5:9-10, 13
"from every tribe and language and people and nation
You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to serve our God
and they will reign on the earth"

and they will all say
"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and power
for ever and ever!"

carry the burden

Ever since I can remember I have been a person who "cares too much". Yep, you read that correctly. I have met people who are brutally honest, some who don't really care if they hurt people as long as they are honest, and some who don't really care about others feelings and put their focus on their needs above others. I've met people who care for just a few and do all they can and some who give quick answers to "solve the problem". But I am a care-to-much person.

I battle with all of these mindsets...even my own. When you are a care-too-much person you tend to carry A LOT of burdens. Sometimes, you even carry burdens for people you hardly know. To be honest, I could probably name on one hand situations when I have carried/sympathized with people I don't know well, but for the most part my heart goes out to those I have a relationship with.

A care-too-much person can often become incapacitated, depressed, deeply saddened and even begin to feel the stress and anxiety of the person who is ACTUALLY going through these things. I tend to do this. Since being overseas I have noticed it much more than I did while living in the states. I don't know if it's because those that I love are far away and so I feel burdened by the lack of ability to "help them". Just real quick, don't you think it's interesting that we think we can truly "help" everyone. We think, "If I am just THERE with them, I will help and their problems will be less or relieved".

After being here about five months or so one of my friends in the states started really struggling with some things and a friend here began to struggle with something. I believe I was also going through transition, finding my place here in this community, and adjusting to a new way of life. These burdens were soooo heavy that I became moody, unsociable, irritable, and even had many sleepless nights. My mind was constantly focused on my friends and my issues.

Then one day, I stopped and realized, we were never told to carry the burdens of the world on our shoulders! Why was I trying to do it? Did I not have faith in the one who has already put them on his shoulder? I prayed and asked God to change my care-too-much personality to a give-it-to-God personality with a pray-first attitude.

This past week I heard from a dear friend of mine who lives back in the States. She and her family are struggling with some tough things. When she told me about this I remember closing my computer and walking to school. My heart began to feel heavy with burden for her and I felt my worry rising inside of me, when all the sudden I began to pray. It was like God had reminded me that he didn't want ME to carry THEIR burden.

The rest of that week any time I thought of them, which was all the time, I would say a prayer for them. HE is in control. HE knows their hearts and their minds. HE is ABLE to carry those burdens. And HE is able to hold my friends, to comfort them, to wipe away their tears, to direct them back to him, to love them, and HE will pick them up when they are weary.

Yes, I still struggle to let God take these burdens from me. I am thankful, however, to see that He is teaching me and growing me in this area.

I pray that you will not be care-too-much people but instead be a give-it-to-God people. I love my friends and the best thing I can do for them...for you...no matter where I live...is lift you up to my Father who is completely capable of holding the burdens of all mankind.

with love, Amanda

there may be a caterpillar

On Friday I got the opportunity to observe in the second grade classroom at the school where I teach Kindergarten. During writing time, the students were asked to do an outline before they wrote their accordion paragraph.

One boy wrote about Teen Center. Some Friday nights a number of the teens run a "restaurant" that we call Hamburger Night. At hamburger night you can get all kinds of food and socialize with friends.

This little boy wrote something similar to this.
Topic: Teen Center
Teen Center is soooooo fun! You can get hamburgers and chips (that means fries for you Americans) and they are big. You can get milkshakes. They also have salads which may have caterpillars. The milkshakes are cold. You should go to teen center. It is the best!

His paragraph looked pretty similar to this. I read it and thought, "wow, what advertisement". This little guy is not even fazed that there are caterpillars in the lettuce, he probably thinks it's cool. But the fact that he just moved on and kept describing the milkshakes makes me think that it is just a normal thing to him!

haha....So come to Teen Center and there may be a caterpillar in the lettuce....but it's fun and yummy!

Gotta love kids!