carry the burden

Ever since I can remember I have been a person who "cares too much". Yep, you read that correctly. I have met people who are brutally honest, some who don't really care if they hurt people as long as they are honest, and some who don't really care about others feelings and put their focus on their needs above others. I've met people who care for just a few and do all they can and some who give quick answers to "solve the problem". But I am a care-to-much person.

I battle with all of these mindsets...even my own. When you are a care-too-much person you tend to carry A LOT of burdens. Sometimes, you even carry burdens for people you hardly know. To be honest, I could probably name on one hand situations when I have carried/sympathized with people I don't know well, but for the most part my heart goes out to those I have a relationship with.

A care-too-much person can often become incapacitated, depressed, deeply saddened and even begin to feel the stress and anxiety of the person who is ACTUALLY going through these things. I tend to do this. Since being overseas I have noticed it much more than I did while living in the states. I don't know if it's because those that I love are far away and so I feel burdened by the lack of ability to "help them". Just real quick, don't you think it's interesting that we think we can truly "help" everyone. We think, "If I am just THERE with them, I will help and their problems will be less or relieved".

After being here about five months or so one of my friends in the states started really struggling with some things and a friend here began to struggle with something. I believe I was also going through transition, finding my place here in this community, and adjusting to a new way of life. These burdens were soooo heavy that I became moody, unsociable, irritable, and even had many sleepless nights. My mind was constantly focused on my friends and my issues.

Then one day, I stopped and realized, we were never told to carry the burdens of the world on our shoulders! Why was I trying to do it? Did I not have faith in the one who has already put them on his shoulder? I prayed and asked God to change my care-too-much personality to a give-it-to-God personality with a pray-first attitude.

This past week I heard from a dear friend of mine who lives back in the States. She and her family are struggling with some tough things. When she told me about this I remember closing my computer and walking to school. My heart began to feel heavy with burden for her and I felt my worry rising inside of me, when all the sudden I began to pray. It was like God had reminded me that he didn't want ME to carry THEIR burden.

The rest of that week any time I thought of them, which was all the time, I would say a prayer for them. HE is in control. HE knows their hearts and their minds. HE is ABLE to carry those burdens. And HE is able to hold my friends, to comfort them, to wipe away their tears, to direct them back to him, to love them, and HE will pick them up when they are weary.

Yes, I still struggle to let God take these burdens from me. I am thankful, however, to see that He is teaching me and growing me in this area.

I pray that you will not be care-too-much people but instead be a give-it-to-God people. I love my friends and the best thing I can do for them...for you...no matter where I live...is lift you up to my Father who is completely capable of holding the burdens of all mankind.

with love, Amanda